Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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