oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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