coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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