i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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