It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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