She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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