how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
