I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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