I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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