alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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