well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
