I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
