Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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