So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
