when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
