Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
