I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
