Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
