More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
