You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
