Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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