Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
