Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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