You can't special order awesome
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
