six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
