We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
