He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
