I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
