No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
