I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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