apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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