so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
