Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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