Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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