Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
