after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
