I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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