i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
