You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
