I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
