I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
