i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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