He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize