so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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