Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
