google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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