So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
