apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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