im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
