Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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