I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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