I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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