Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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