She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want her autograph on my taint
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
