So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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