Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
