I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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