Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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