Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
