I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
