i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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