Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
