covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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