There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
