just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
