I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
