I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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