yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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