Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
