I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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