We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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