You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
