She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
3pm strippers are depressing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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