Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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