I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
