i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
