none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
