I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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