What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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