All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
