highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
