im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
