umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
