It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
