why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
