they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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