Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
