If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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