There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
