I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
