You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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