i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
