her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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