I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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