yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
