dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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