He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You were trust falling into bushes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
