$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
