I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
