I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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