I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize