Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
