how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
