I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dignity is for republicans.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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