she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
