its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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