I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
